Thursday 26 February 2015

Excuse me is this your Balalaika?


 

Why do you want to learn Russian?”

Well, it was just a whim, an impulse. I stumbled across an online language learning site and clicked 'Russian'. The introductory lesson was free and very easy. The course was affordable, … well why not? To be honest there are an awful lot of reasons why not, it just happened that not one of them occurred to me in time! I paid the fee and enrolled.

What use is it to you?”

Okay not entirely impulsive- the idea had been lingering somewhere in the backwaters of my brain for a while, since our last visit to Kyrgyzstan to be precise. Being asked to guide a bicycle tour in Georgia this year was the trigger. In my heart I would prefer to learn Kyrgyz and/or Georgian but these languages, like Dutch are in an international perspective, more or less useless. Russian can be of use in both of these countries and in all the former soviet states.

I also have to admit that 'learning Russian' may be a bit of an exaggeration. I have set my sights rather low. In the first instance I will be happy if I can manage some daily activities: do the shopping, ask directions, arrange accommodation and decipher a menu. Discussing the meaning of life will have to wait a while!

So I paid my money, started the course and finished the first three lessons in no time. I did all the exercises, filled in all the blanks and put most of the words or letters in the right places. I felt quite proud until I paused to reflect and realised that I hadn't actually learnt anything at all. Well, not any Russian anyway.

I had discovered a few things though.

Firstly: that I have never really learnt a language as a conscious process. I mean, like all children, I learnt my own language by a process of imitation, approximation and assimilation. At school they just extended, improved and polished it. I learnt Dutch in very much the same way as a child does, except the basis was laid in bars and cafés rather than at home and in the kindergarten. I tend to learn most things this way, whether it is sport, cookery, computers, bicycle maintenance or playing the guitar. Picking up stuff as I go along rather than studying, a process of trial and error rather than training or following a rigid program. The second, rather obvious, discovery was that, whether you learn properly or muddle along like I do, learning a language is much easier if you are living in, or visiting, the country where it is spoken. During daily transactions in shops, on buses or in the café you will need to use and understand words and sentences. Menus, advertisements, instructions and signs are a constant stimulation to learning and an aid to memory. All around people are talking, discussing, arguing, bargaining and telling jokes, unconsciously you will be absorbing the sounds and feel of the language.

I have none of this, no signs, sounds, external stimulation or support.

I'm sure you have enough friends and acquaintances who would happily speak Russian with you”.

That's true, I guess... but I would find it difficult and contrived conversing with them in a language other than the one we are used too speaking . Especially as I do not see any of them very often. I don't want to waste time together on conversations like: “My name is Bob, what is your name?” when we've been friends for several years. Our conversations and discussions about everything from food, films and sport to sex,religion and politics would be somewhat dull, restricted by my lack of vocabulary.

Yes, a little late it's true, now all the reasons not to learn Russian have occurred to me. Not the least of them being that, in my situation, there is no alternative to conscientiously following the lessons. With no external influences I will not be able to improvise or skip whole sections like I usually do. This may well prove to be a bigger challenge than the language itself!

Despite this, surprisingly not deterred or discouraged, I have gone right back to square one. Starting the lessons over again. Paying attention to what I am doing rather than treating the whole process as a test of my speed and visual recognition. I have now repeated and completed five lessons. I do the daily tasks almost daily and I revise more or less when and what I am asked to revise.

How much Russian HAVE you learnt?”

Well, I now know some of the letters of the Cyrillic alphabet, I've learnt some simple words and personal pronouns. But mostly I've learnt about Anna and Tanya. I know who Anna and Tanya are. I know where Anna and Tanya are. Anna and Tanya are at home (with Ivan?). I have learnt that Anna and Tanya drink. I have learnt what Anna and Tanya drink. They drink water, milk, juice, tea, coffee, beer, wine and, last but not least, vodka...
                         ....cheers!       Будем здоровы!


Zapaholic?


 
-zap-

With me it's a late night thing.

-zap-

A long time ago I gave up watching TV in the evenings...

-zap-

...at least on a regular basis.

At prime time there are so few programmes that interest me.

-zap-

The two main consequences of this are that the most productive part of my creative working day has shifted: I do most of my writing and drawing in the evenings...

-zap-

...and I seem to have relinquished all my rights to the remote control during peak viewing time.

-zap-

-zap-

-zap-

Though why I do it remains a mystery. A strange compulsion. I mean, I've already consulted the TV guide and established that there is not much for me in the way of education or entertainment. Even though my standards at this time of the night, after working all evening, are quite low.

-zap-

Do I somehow think that the TV companies will have changed or rearranged their schedules at the very last minute just to suit me?

-zap-

-zap-

Even I'm not that optimistic!

-zap-

Oh...and...by the way...we have cable TV with the minimum package, just 25 channels, so you'd think that I'd be zapped-out in no time...

-zap-

...not a bit... when I get to the end I zap right back again!

-zap-

Okay...eternally hopeful and lowering my standards yet another degree...let's try again...there must be something...

-zap-

What's this? Naked 'Celebrities' eating worms in the jungle? They must be really desperate...

for a career!

-zap-

Oh no ...yet another programme about sick people. I don't get this fascination with disease and injury on television. I mean, you wouldn't say to your family after Sunday lunch “ Come on, let's all go down to the local hospital and watch some people being seriously ill” would you? Or maybe YOU would?

-zap-

-zap-

Ah...this looks better...an old detective series. Em? Let's see..the body was found in a 10th floor apartment and the lift was out of order. They've arrested a lift engineer with a criminal record and a grudge against the victim...oh yes... and he had the murder weapon in his hand. So it's obvious...he didn't commit the murder. My bet is that it is either the young girl in a wheel chair with two broken arms and a cast iron alibi or an apparently irrelevant barman who appears too often and has too many lines for a bit part actor. Possibly they are in it together. ..damn...commercial break....

-zap-

...more commercials...

-zap-

...talk show repeat..

-zap-

-zap-

...hey...wait a minute... a film... and it's just started. It looks okay... I'll just get myself a beer and...

...OH NO!... IS THAT THE TIME!!!!!!!!

-click-