Old
Man in Tights
My
nephew in Christchurch, New Zealand posted on Facebook that he was
enjoying lunch at ' The Bicycle Thief'. I assumed that the name of
the restaurant was a reference to an Italian film classic. My nephew
wasn't too interested in this or any of my other less serious
speculations about the origins of the name but remarked that fat,
middle aged cyclists dressed in Lycra should have their bikes stolen
to prevent them appearing in public. He considered them an eyesore. I
didn't take his comment personally as I am not fat and, to be honest,
even stretching the definition to its limits, I can no longer claim to be middle aged.
As it happens, I do have some sympathy with
his comments. Skin hugging Lycra shows every bulge and bump on a body
and some bodies have an awful lot of bulges and bumps to show. To make things
worse many XXL or XXXL wannabe racers choose to wear size WT
clothing (WT = Wishful Thinking) and it doesn't help that the current
generation of cycling shirts taper at the waist making even quite fit
people look a bit bulky around the middle.
Generally sportswear evolves to suit a specific activity. It is
designed primarily for it's functionality not for fashion. In this case
the function is cycling not strutting around town or going to the
market. Most people don't look too bad in cycling clothes while
they are on a bicycle and if they do, well, they'll be out of
sight in a few seconds. However off the bike it's a different story!
Shoes for racing bikes have cleats under the soles, that click into
the pedals, designed for more pedalling efficiency but making walking difficult,
clumsy and, sometimes, even dangerous.
Cycling shorts have a cushioned pad sewn into them to ease the
contact between the cyclists backside and the rock-hard racing
saddle. Generally the pads that provide the best cushioning are the
ones that are the most unsightly and most uncomfortable when walking!
Fat
middle aged Lycra covered men either on bicycles or waddling around
town with pads in their pants may not be a pretty sight, nonetheless, I
can't agree with my nephew that they should be banned for spoiling
the view. In the first place because, based on this criteria, masses of overweight and over fed people
wallowing in unsuitable swimwear would have to be banned from our beaches. In the summer city
parks and centres would have to be cleared of all the fast- food-seeking, ice-cream-eating, oversized population in undersized
clothing exposing excesses of bellies and buttocks! Even if this was
desirable or legal how could it be implemented? It would take an army
of Ayatollahs with sticks and/or thousands of strategically placed
templates that people would have to be able to pass through in order
to obtain access to the streets, parks and beaches!
Furthermore
endurance sports, like running and cycling, have become increasingly
popular recreational activities for men and women of all ages, shapes
and sizes. Cycling is now not only a sport but also a 'life- style'
statement. It has become cool, trendy and, as a result, big business!
Due to this popularity bike wear has become a little more attractive
as well as being functional, the prices of cycling related products
have rocketed and, as my speed and strength gradually diminish, I am
increasingly being passed on the hills by faster, fitter and younger
cyclists....
So,
to be honest I don't want to ban overweight and under trained, Lycra
wearing, middle aged cyclists at all. In fact I want more of them,
many more. Why? Because while overtaking them as they struggle, swear and sweat their way up hilly roads or mountains tracks I can feel a lot better about myself and my own performance!
But
to be fair, at least these middle aged men are trying..
...what
really irritates me are those people, fat or thin, who pass by on
their electrically powered bicycles. They are not dressed in Lycra
but, more often than not, they have annoying and totally
unjustified superior grins on their faces!
