FAQ

From the archives:  first  appeared in 2010 later  published in the book 'Letters to Kyrgyzstan' 2013.

FAQ

It doesn’t take long. I’m at a party or reception and somebody I don’t know will discover that I am not Dutch.....and then the questioning begins. “Where do you come from?” “Oh -where in England?” “How long have you lived here?” “When, why, how did you come?”
“Do you prefer The Netherlands to England?” ”What do you miss?” “Is Dutch hard to learn?”
“What language do you think in?” “What language are your dreams in?”
I have answered these and similar questions so often over the past 30 years that I sometimes find it hard to give serious answers. I have to admit that occasionally, if I’m feeling particularly mischievous, or bored, I invent a new story.
Inevitably somebody will ask: “After all these years living here do you feel more Dutch or English?” Now that is a difficult question to answer.

An English politician once said that you can tell how far an immigrant has truly integrated by which national cricket or football team he cheers for. Well, for me cricket is slightly less interesting than watching grass grow and my interest in football has declined to almost nothing over the years. Despite this we do invite friends around to watch television whenever England and Holland play each other at football, but usually I'm so busy with the catering that I forget to cheer!

In many countries potential immigrants have to take a citizenship test, a list of questions designed to see how much they understand the society and culture of their intended new homeland. I once downloaded and completed a version of the Dutch citizenship test. I failed! But so did half of my Dutch friends. However a trip to England , for me, is like a trip through time. I find myself in familiar surroundings but surrounded by unfamiliar objects. England has changed, and so have I.

I speak Dutch with a foreign accent.

When speaking English I now have a slight Dutch accent.
My Dutch friends still joke about me being English. My English friends think of me as a foreigner.
I like the directness of the Dutch when it isn’t an excuse for rudeness. I like English politeness when it isn’t an excuse for avoiding the issue. I find England scruffy and untidy and Holland over regulated. England has beautiful hills and valleys, Holland has magnificent skies and seascapes. I prefer English language books, films, and music but completely new subjects and experiences are often easier for me to talk about in Dutch.
I like Dutch beer and English cheese
I never really liked tea with milk, the favourite English drink.
I can, and do, drink coffee all day long, a Dutch habit.

So how do I answer the question?

An American who had lived more than half of her life in England was asked a similar question on the radio. My answer is based on her reply which summed up my feelings perfectly:

“I haven’t become Dutch but I am no longer English.”

Dr.Facebookstein

Dr. Facebookstein

In the book by Mary Shelley and all the films that followed Dr. Frankenstein is determined to create human life and he succeeds. Bit of a problem though, his human turns out to be ugly and eight feet tall but things only really go wrong when this creatures gets out into the community and starts searching for a life. With no background or past Frankenstein's creation has no way of knowing how to behave and the local inhabitants certainly have no experience of dealing with a creature like him.

Blaming social media, and Facebook in particular, for at least part of everything that is wrong in the world today seems to me to be a bit like, well no, a lot like shooting the messenger! Social media provides a means of transporting messages, it doesn't create them. Opinions on social media range from the naive to the conspiracy theorists who think everybody is out to get them so Facebook must be too. Whether you like it or hate it, it's quite clear that, whatever the original intentions, social media has turned into something of a monster and like Dr. Frankenstein's creation it has become too big and difficult to handle. To be fair,neither the doctor or the creators of social media could have foreseen the consequences. While Frankenstein's version stumbled around looking for a life, rescuing little girls and scaring the chickens on the way, the social media monster is doing much the same. Relatively new on the scene it has helped to fight injustice and corruption at the same time as it has promoted terror and racism. However, unlike the Dr. Frankenstein's creation, social media is here to stay and like the printing press and film/radio/television before it we will have to find a way to live and deal with it. As with these predecessors discussions on what should be allowed to be published, what should not be allowed and who should do the allowing will no doubt go on for ever.

Alongside content the concerns about social media mainly are about issues of privacy. I don't know how to break this to you but big business and governments have been collecting and trading information on us since long before the invention of computers. I can't help feeling that some of the traditional media that is shouting the loudest about the misuse or abuse of our demographics and statistics are simply jealous that social media can do it bigger and better than they can. Which doesn't mean there aren't privacy issues, there certainly are. Happily there is a very simple and easy way of dealing with most of them and that is not to post anything you don't what others to see or use. Or  just don't use social media at all!

Anyway so long as this ancient cartoonist with little interest in commerce and economics  and absolutely no administrative ability keeps getting offered these sorts of jobs on LinkedIn: Junior Accounts Manager, Sales Development Manager, Trainee Consumer Satisfaction Consultant, Marketing Advisor, Administrative Assistant, Junior Commercial Manager... I'm not too worried!
I mean that's like studying Dr.Frankenstein's details and then offering him a job as a children's nurse or the manager of a Pizza Hut.

It is certainly true that our activities on the media are monitored and the advertisements we see on our screens are based on these activities.

With all it's faults and potential problems social media does enable people to communicate with, send messages, photos, films and music all over the world and provides a link to millions of people everywhere, all completely free of charge. This has to be paid for somehow. All the newspapers and magazines, nearly all the television stations, most sports teams and cultural events are financed by advertising. If Mary Shelly's story had been set in modern times, Dr. Frankenstein's experiments would almost certainly have been sponsored by one of the major drug companies. So why not social media? Now personally I don't really like the fact that a whole lot of cultural, artistic, athletic and other events are dependant on advertising revenue but it doesn't keep me awake at nights. Advertiser will claim that they are providing a service for consumers. Informing us of what is available on the market place. That may be true for some. For me it's a mild irritant, something I just put up with and for the most part ignore.

But while I've got the chance I would like to mention one thing to those people that are monitoring my online media activities and supplying me with their 'targeted consumer information'. I get a disproportional amount of advertisements for sunglasses. I assume that this is because in my Facebook profile picture I am wearing sunglasses.

What I would like to point out is that, yes I am wearing sunglasses in the photo which means, as you can see clearly, I already have a pair of sunglasses..............
thank you!