Old Man in Tights

Old Man in Tights

My nephew in Christchurch, New Zealand posted on Facebook that he was enjoying lunch at ' The Bicycle Thief'. I assumed that the name of the restaurant was a reference to an Italian film classic. My nephew wasn't too interested in this or any of my other less serious speculations about the origins of the name but remarked that fat, middle aged cyclists dressed in Lycra should have their bikes stolen to prevent them appearing in public. He considered them an eyesore. I didn't take his comment personally as I am not fat and, to be honest, even stretching the definition to its limits, I can no longer claim to be middle aged.

 

As it happens, I do have some sympathy with his comments. Skin hugging Lycra shows every bulge and bump on a body and some bodies have an awful lot of bulges and bumps to show. To make things worse many XXL or XXXL wannabe racers choose to wear size WT clothing (WT = Wishful Thinking) and it doesn't help that the current generation of cycling shirts taper at the waist making even quite fit people look a bit bulky around the middle.

Generally sportswear evolves to suit a  specific activity. It is designed primarily for it's functionality not for fashion. In this case the function is cycling not strutting around town or going to the market. Most people don't look too bad in cycling clothes while they are on a bicycle and if they do, well, they'll be out of sight in a few seconds. However off the bike it's a different story! Shoes for racing bikes have cleats under the soles, that click into the pedals, designed for more pedalling efficiency but making walking difficult, clumsy and, sometimes, even dangerous. Cycling shorts have a cushioned pad sewn into them to ease the contact between the cyclists backside and the rock-hard racing saddle. Generally the pads that provide the best cushioning are the ones that are the most unsightly and most uncomfortable when walking!

Fat middle aged Lycra covered men either on bicycles or waddling around town with pads in their pants may not be a pretty sight, nonetheless, I can't agree with my nephew that they should be banned for spoiling the view. In the first place because, based on this criteria, masses of overweight and over fed people wallowing in unsuitable swimwear  would have to be banned from our beaches. In the summer city parks and centres would have to be cleared of all the fast- food-seeking, ice-cream-eating, oversized population in undersized clothing exposing  excesses of bellies and buttocks! Even if this was desirable or legal how could it be implemented? It would take an army of Ayatollahs with sticks and/or thousands of strategically placed templates that people would have to be able to pass through in order to obtain access to the streets, parks and beaches!

Furthermore endurance sports, like running and cycling, have become increasingly popular recreational activities for men and women of all ages, shapes and sizes. Cycling is now not only a sport but also a 'life- style' statement. It has become cool, trendy and, as a result, big business! Due to this popularity bike wear has become a little more attractive as well as being functional, the prices of cycling related products have rocketed and, as my speed and strength gradually diminish, I am increasingly being passed on the hills by faster, fitter and younger cyclists....

 

 

So, to be honest I don't want to ban overweight and under trained, Lycra wearing, middle aged cyclists at all. In fact I want more of them, many more. Why? Because while overtaking them as they struggle, swear and sweat their way up hilly roads or mountains tracks I can feel a lot better about myself and my own performance!

But to be fair, at least these middle aged men are trying..

...what really irritates me are those people, fat or thin, who pass by on their electrically powered bicycles. They are not dressed in Lycra but, more often than not, they have  annoying and totally unjustified superior grins on their faces!