“Let
Bob serve the drinks......”
We
were planning a meal in honour of a cycling friend. One of
the members suggested that, instead of a restaurant, we had enough
culinary talent in the group for us to prepare the meal ourselves.
Adding “ Bob can serve the drinks”....
...WHAT!?...
He was obviously implying
that my cooking skills were either insufficient or non- existent. Not
that he had any knowledge of my abilities, good or bad, simply
based on the fact that I am English! Britain's reputation for poor
food is persistent. Now, in daily life I try to avoid clichés,
stereotypes and generalisations but as a cartoonist they are the tools of
my trade and, let's face it, stereotypes and sweeping generalisations usually have some basis in truth.
During my childhood in London the food really was dreary. Starting with school
dinners. A midday meal provided by the schools. I was a healthy and a
hungry boy but I rarely managed to finished one. The vegetables were
overcooked, well, that was normal in those days, the meat was fatty
and/or stringy, everything else, the mashed potatoes, the gravy and
the dessert custard was lumpy. I soon gave up and took
sandwiches for lunch but this was not a great success as my
mother only knew how to make one sort of sandwich! At
home it was not much better, there were things I liked but I really
can't remember actually enjoying a meal. However, I'm not at all sure
that enjoying food was a major consideration! But that was back in the
good
old days
when coffee and tea were the same colour and spaghetti with tomato
sauce came in tins. Luckily I discovered Chinese, Indian and Italian
food and how to cook it early on.
Nowadays you can, and
will, find excellent food and drink all over the British Isles even,
and sometimes especially, outside of the big cities.
No, it wasn't the
stereotypical view of English food, however outdated, that irritated me. If the person making the comment had been French, Italian
or Spanish I would probably have not been bothered but I live in the
Netherlands.
Let
me tell you something about Dutch cuisine by listing five highlights
of traditional Dutch food...
1. Kroket (croquette) –
Deep fried, the kroket has a pleasant, crunchy outside hiding a
greyish, gooey substance, not unlike wallpaper paste, and a rumour
of meat on the inside.
2. Bitterballen – small
round versions of the above. By law they have to be served at any
and every reception.
3. Olieballen – deep
fried dumplings mostly eaten on New Years eve or at fairgrounds –
heavy!
4. Erwertensoep – thick pea soup usually containing slices of smoked sausage and
random scraps of meat that are either too good or not good enough
for the dog.
5.Stamppot – is, in most western countries, what parents feed their children in order to get them to eat vegetables: the vegetables are chopped small and mixed with mashed potatoes then covered with gravy. Most often this mash is topped with a smoked sausage, not from the butcher, oh no, but from a low price department store chain!
5.Stamppot – is, in most western countries, what parents feed their children in order to get them to eat vegetables: the vegetables are chopped small and mixed with mashed potatoes then covered with gravy. Most often this mash is topped with a smoked sausage, not from the butcher, oh no, but from a low price department store chain!
Stampot
has several variations, you can mash almost any vegetable with
potatoes. The most popular being Hutspot
(carrot
and onion mash) and Boerenkoolstamp
(kale
mash) followed by sauerkraut mash and endive mash. Hete
Bliksem (hot
lightning)
sounds spicy and exciting but consisting of stewed apples and/or
pears, potatoes,onions and small blocks of bacon mashed together
is a slightly grown up version of baby food.
But,okay,
just because Dutch food is simple doesn't mean it's can't be tasty. My
favourite is
kale
mash, kale, by the way, is not trendy in The Netherlands, it's
simple rustic food. You can serve it with whatever meat or vegetarian
alternative you prefer. My tip, though, is make too much. The next
day it's even better if you take the leftover mash and knead it into
a flat round cake, fry it on both sides in a flat pan until it has a golden brown
crust. Top this with one or two fried eggs and possibly some rashers of crispy streaky bacon... enjoy!
But, then again, although
it is good wholesome comfort food that doesn't mean it's a peak of
culinary excellence from where a Dutch person can look down upon other
national food cultures.
Not that this will stop
them from doing so!
Ah well...in
the end it didn't matter, we chose a Greek
restaurant...
...and a glass of wine or two and a couple of shots of ouzo will heal all wounds!
And you're such a good and international cook! Their loss...
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