Three Weddings and a Funeral

Three Weddings and a Funeral

It's been a little longer than usual since my last column. 

Each time I started a new one it was out of date almost before I got to the second sentence. Ah well, at least the title has remained the same.

The funeral has already taken place, it was an emotional affair, there was a lot of kissing, hugging and hand-shaking going on.

That was when kissing, hugging and shaking hands was still allowed .

I was going to write about funeral rituals, gestures and symbolism but after a heated discussion on the subject, not for the first time, with my partner I decided not to. Of course, at such times, the subject cannot be completely avoided. It came up during a conversation with a dinner guest.

Do you remember dinner guests? We had one but it was way back in early March 2020 BC (BC = Before Corona).

Suddeny during a conversation involving different cultural attitudes to death, catholic symbolism, British reluctance to show feelings in public and some clichés like 'death being part of living', our visitor ask me “Are you afraid of dying”? 

I can't remember my answer but, yes, of course I am. That's why I take care crossing roads and wear a helmet when doing anything remotely dangerous.

I was intending to go on to share my views on marriage with you. That it's no business of the state, religion or the neighbours who you live with or sleep with, well, unless you are sleeping with one of the neighbours...

Sleeping with neighbours may well allowed but only if there is 1.5 metres of space between you.

...but after a heated disscussion on the subject, not for the first time, with my partner I decided not to.

However, the subject can't be avoided completly especially when the three weddings have very much influenced our travel plans for this year. It did come up, during a conversation with a dinner guest.

Yes, the same dinner guest, well there haven't been any since then. Locked down, locked in, locked out!

We noted that most cultures have some sort of marriage ritual which originally allowed young people to set up home together and start making babies. Well, making babies was not only allowed, it was expected and actively encouraged. Baby- making activities were not supposed to go on before the marriage ceremony. I proposed that, certainly in western society, people can and do, live, sleep and eat together, at least part-time, long before they get around to signing papers or making ritual promises. Therefore, I suggested, marriage is outdated. My companions argued, on the other hand, it is a good reason to give a party, there is romance involved and there can be good legal and financial reasons for getting married. Fair enough, I thought, and anyway I was outnumbered! It was time to move on to another subject but our guest added one more point: marriage, she stated, was desirable because, at least here in The Netherlands, divorce is so well regulated. Now I accept that some people get married for purely legal reasons, mostly to do with taxes and inheritance, but I really don't think any proposal ever went: “Darling, shall we get married it will make breaking up so much easier”!

It is advised against but you are allowed to have up to three guests in your home as long as they all keep the prescribed distance between them all the time!

Now that may just be possible if you live in a palace or mansion but pretty much impossible if you don't. It looks like it's going to be quite a while before we are again sitting around a table, with good friends, good food, maybe just too much wine, discussing birth, death, marriage, relationships, politics, sport, the best route from here to Poland, the best way peel an avocado or just exchanging tall stories.

* BC = Before Corona