Muskrat Ramble

Muskrat Ramble 

Last week a polling card arrived by post, telling me where and when I could vote. Now , I know that previously I've informed you that I have been more or less disenfranchised. I wrote that for various reasons the only elections I can take part in are for our local city council but I misinformed you. I'd forgotten that I can also vote for the regional water authority! Nobody knows why but since 2014 the electorate are expected to vote for some of the seats on these ancient and previously undemocratic local authorities. Well to be honest, I expect somebody does know why but I haven't met him, or her, yet. One third of The Netherlands is below sea level, and quite a lot of it was previously under the sea, so water management is of the utmost importance. I mean, if the dikes begin to leak you can't just hope that a small boy will chance along and save the country by plugging the hole with his finger! Yet the public are far from enthusiastic about these elections, many will not bother to vote. It takes time and effort to work out the policies of all the traditional political parties and other lesser known parties and special interest groups taking part. And the issues, however important, do not exactly fire the general public's imagination!

I will vote... and not just because it's one of the few things I can vote for. As it happens I have a passing knowledge of the wide and wonderful world of water, for many years I have provided cartoons for the magazine 'Dutch Sewers and Water Management' (Top of your reading list I expect!). However my choice will be, at least partly, guided by the attitudes towards trapping and killing muskrats. For many people, and I think the Dutch public in general, these creatures are four-legged terrorists that, due to their tunnelling activities, are threatening the security and stability of the dikes and drainage systems in the lowlands and thus are a threat to the whole community. Consequently the government has an extensive national programme aimed at wiping out the whole species. However nature, conservation and environmental organisations consider this programme to be costly, ineffective and even counter productive.

Ah well....while we're on the subject of rodents...let's talk about hamsters....

...Back in December/January I took part in a campaign to brighten the lives of refugee children, just a little bit, by sending them greeting cards. On the back of the cards, alongside the greeting, there was a questionnaire. It asked, among other things, my favourite colour, my favourite Dutch song (that was difficult) and my favourite Dutch word, I can't remember what word I chose but I think it was something worthy, appropriate and, for a child, really boring! Pity. Last week a newspaper article reminded me of a word that really is a favourite. Apparently Dutch people have started hoarding essential medicines manufactured in Britain fearing that the supply may dry up when GB leaves the European Union. Hoarding is not a very attractive human trait however the Dutch word for hoarding is. That word is hamsteren, the literal translation would be hamstering. The verb ' to hamster' is based on the hamsters habit of storing food in its cheek pouches for later consumption. Another of my favourite Dutch verbs based on animal behaviour, is ijsberen , literally ' to polar bear' like me, if I'm forced to stay indoors for any length of time, pacing up, down and around the room, like a bear in a cage. There are other examples in Dutch and I can think of about twenty in English. Instead of listing them maybe it would be more fun to invent some new ones, especially after a glass of wine with friends or a beer or two in the pub. 
How about:

to walrus = to lay around (e.g. like Russian tourists) on the beach or in the health spa,

to marmot = to spend a lot of time sleeping,

to butterfly = to flit effortlessly from one thing/subject/task to another.

to muskrat = to dig holes in dikes.........

…...oops!...maybe I should leave that last one out.... if I really want to save the muskrats from extermination!

(Cartoons  first published  in Access , an expat magazine, 2018 and  'Riolering', water management magazine, ' 2015)